You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
