I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
