I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Randomize
