Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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