I am puke
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
