you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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