Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
