Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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