Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
