You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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