I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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