I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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