There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
