remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
