I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
