i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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