i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
