shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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