My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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