Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They took my balls.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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