"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
