saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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