Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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