I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
