I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
