I want to walk on stilts...naked
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
