i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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