Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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