I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
