"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
