Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sorry about my life...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
