Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
