Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
