It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
