Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
