no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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