Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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