i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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