Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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