I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
