Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
