she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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