Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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