so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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