How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
