Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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