Grow some girl-balls and come out already
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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