Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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