I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You made out with two different species that night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
