Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
