I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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