omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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