spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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