Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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