So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
